Blood & Chocolate

Blood & Chocolate

I had the sense to take my medication before watching this movie so I was slightly out of it and quite happily disorientated.

Oliver Martinez has an extremely irritating voice and this stupid Vivian girl is the same annoying one from Haven, Bill Paxton’s nauseating daughter Pippa or whatever! And they’re werewolves?!? The only thing these two should be is rabbit shit!

I just don’t like her face!!

Then lo and behold, there comes along this oblivious, innocent, six o’ clock shadowed artist who thinks she’s hot or whatever! And all this is going down in Romania. How believable! Cause there are Americans, British, whatever the fuck Martinez is, all of them JUST happened to be in Romania at the same time!

Real wolves are used, not CGIs, the real wolves are such a delight to watch! But what I don’t understand is when the wolf jumps on his victim to attack, the victim always reaches out to catch the wolf like he’s their long lost friend who they have not seen in years!

And apparently, werewolves are born and not made, did I already say I hate Martinez accent?! Well, I hate Martinez’s accent!!!

And when the irritating Pippa the Pimple shifts we are all treated with a slow motion scene coupled with glorious choir chorus music and that’s not all, while all the other wolves are of common colors, the Pimple gets to be the only white wolf!

Wolves are so pretty.




2 pills out of 5 pills only for the wolves and innocent, six o’ clock shadowed artist!