Choke

Why I watched this movie: Sam Rockwell.


Victor (Rockwell) is a sex addict, his mother (Anjelica Huston, I love her) is in a mental institution because she’s got amnesia. Victor’s childhood is spent following his mum around and doing stuff, sometimes illegal stuff and he learns from that. Is that what made him a sex addict? Go figure. Victor is on a quest to find out who his father is and poor Ida in her state of amnesia can’t even remember who Victor is. Which is where best friend Denny is roped in.

I love Sam Rockwell. That sleepyheaded voice, that look he has like everyone around him is crazy, that six o’ clock shadow and just that laid back kinda guy attitude. Like this is this, so fuck it.

Anyhoo, I digress, Victor plays along with his mother’s amnesia, when she thinks, he’s the lawyer and she thinks he’s God knows who….

Oh and Victor is the backbone of Colonial America. : )

You’d just have to watch to find out.

Prominent line: “I mean please, even the worse blowjob is better than say sniffing the greatest rose or watching the greatest sunset.”


4 and a half pills out of 5.

Snow Angels

Why I watched it: Sam Rockwell.

What it is about: A small town where people’s lives crosses. Annie was/is married to Glenn but along the way somewhere, Glenn fucked up but nonetheless, they have a have a baby daughter together, whom Glenn tries to see as often as possible. Though its not clearly indicated, the pretty obvious that Glenn had a drinking problem (who can blame him, really? It gets the best of us”

Arthur – a kid at school who’s dad left. Annie used to baby-sit Arthur and now they all work together in a Chinese restaurant. Annie, Arthur and their friend Barb. When Glenn moves back into the small town back in his parents place, I think we can safely assume, he has done his time or been to AA or rehab or something like that…

Its depressing, this movie…..yet another reminder that nothing truly works out….that bad things happen to good people or at least people who are trying….its a never ending vicious cycle that just keeps going on and on…and you just stand there and take the blows until you fall face first. Then its your choice, if you want to get up for the next round of blows and they don’t tell you that this time around its gonna be lighter, its gonna be better, you just get up, unawares and it all comes raining down again.

That is…..until you decide to choose…

3 pills out of 5

Auto Focus

I loved this movie maybe because I’m starting to love Greg Kinnear, and not in a I want to fuck him way but in a woah, this dude is really good at what he doesv way. Auto Focus is pretty much about Bob Crane, yes the dude from Hogan Heroes, yes, the cute one who wore a hat. I remember watching Hogan’s Heroes everyday at 3pm when I was much much younger and the world was a nicer place, it was the same time slot where they played Gomer Pyle, Petticoat Junction, I Dream of Jeannie and Bewitched. Unfortunately, M.A.S.H was screened at 11pm and I was in bed by then, damn fuckin schoolgirl rules.

Anyhoo, I digress. In my opinion Kinnear saved Auto Focus, yeah, so Crane sorta had a porn video collection, pictures and what not but I reckon that was his own business. The movie basically puts the blame of his downfall and his burning out on his “extra circular activities”. Maybe it did, maybe it didn’t…..I’m not one to judge but I reckon there must have been a lot more shit at work….but it’s a movie and that’s okay, considering at that time (the 60’s), it was mostly frowned upon, if it was here and now, he’d be on www.superficial.com like almost everyday and everyone would just go, yeah that Crane, he’s fuckin maniac.

Crane is dead by the way, murdered, everyone and yes even I think it was John Carpenter……his then best friend….if you get the DVD, there’s even like a documentary on the trial and the evidence, they also keep flashing a picture of Crane’s bloody bludgeoned head, watch that if you’re into that kinda thing. You can actually just google Bob Crane and you’ll get that picture.

John Carpenter. Willem Dafoe. Now Dafoe seems to be good in just about anything he does, sometimes a little too good and he’s got that face….that “You know I’m up to something…..something bad.” face. I honestly don’t think he can help it, it just his face and he also has a flair for the dramatics…if you watched Tropic Thunder you would have seen Ben Stiller totally spoof DaFoe’s glorified execution in Platoon, yes the same one when he’s on his knees, arms in the air and everything is in slow mo. Drama at its best. DaFoe in Auto Focus…….his role did not require much shall we say….talent…but nonetheless he came through, like he always does. Excellent casting!!

If I was asked who would have made a good Bob Crane, Kinnear wouldn’t have even crossed my mind but now that I’ve watched it, I can’t think of anyone else for the role. He aced it. He was perfect. He was Bob Crane.



4 Pills Out Of 5

Feast Of Love

It took me a good whole month to watch this movie, mostly because David Duchovny proved to be more of an attention keeper than Greg Kinnear, Morgan Freeman, Billy Burke and the terribly pretty Toby Hemingway all put together. Go Duchovny!!

Anyhoo, Kinnear is married to Blair, Selma that is, I forget what her character’s name was and I really could give a shit, I think by this point, you can pretty much tell how much I enjoyed watching the rest of this movie….

So I was saying….yeah, Kinnear is what some people would call a hopeless romantic/ hopeful romantic? Blair decides after a couple years of marriage to the sappy Kinnear that she likes girls better and runs off to fulfill her lesbian dreams. Heartbroken and clueless, Kinnear confides in everyone’s favorite ol’ wise man, Freeman. Go Freeman!!

Oh god, I really don’t want to write a review on this movie so I’m just gonna stop while I’m ahead. If you’re feeling sentimental, sappy and like love is the answer to all your problems then watch this movie, if not, just keep staring and drooling at Duchovny.

The tagline after all is “A story for anyone with an appetite for love.” And I just threw up lunch.


Quarter A Pill Out Of 5

The Heartbreak Kid

I was surprised when I liked this movie, I figured it'd be one of those typical romantic comedies, I’m not saying its not but it’s a little more bearable.

So……Eddie Cantrow (Stiller) is a 40 year old bachelor whose reasons for not getting married are she doesn’t like my fantasy football league, she never shares her food, she doesn’t try anything new, and the ultimate………..she hates Caddyshack cuz she said the gopher looks fake.
While attending his ex-fiance’s wedding on valentine’s day, Cantrow starts to feel it, of course with a lil help from Daddy dearest (Stiller Snr – Jerry Stiller) and the required “happily” married male friend.

Eddie meets Lila after he tries to unsuccessfully retrieve her purse from a snatch thief. They get married and honeymoon in Cabo. Eddie meets Miranda (Michelle Monaghan, yes that pretty dark haired girl from gone baby gone) and her family. Now he just has to decide between the two.

You can’t help but feel for Lila at some point, although the Farrelly brothers go to extremes to make her seem just simply gross and crazy, you can kind of relate to her on some level. She’s a Volunteer Environmental Researcher by the way and has a deviated septum. She also wants him to hold her hand while they eat breakfast and then proceeds to start off a conversation about whether he thinks she's too hairy down there and if he wanted she could get rid of it and he'll be able to see her "kitty ring" better!

She likes rough sex knows of sex positions called Verti Cross Screw and Swedish Helicopter and says things like “Cock me, Hit Me”, “Fuck me like a black man”.

A conversation during sex:

Lila: JackHammer me, JackHammer me, JackHammer me!
Eddie: Can we try missionary position?
Lila: What's that? Can you pile drive me from that position?


This is the list of songs that Lila sings during the car ride to Cabo. Eddie sings along to only the first song.

Bruce Springsteen - Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)
Gloria Estefan - Conga
Blondie - Rapture
Barry Manilow - Ready to Take a Chance Again
Spice Girls - Wannabe
Captain & Tennille - Muskrat Love

Overall, it’s a sweet movie but everybody knows that the men in movies are nothing like the men in real life but it always nice to have a teensy weensy bit of false hope. If anything, this movie is worth watching just for the 2 worded ending, Fuck me.


3 pills out of 5