Why You Shouldn't Watch Rambo 4

Need I say more?

30 Days Of Night

I wanted to watch this movie and I did. Now I know you’re thinking, here’s when she starts cussing….okay, maybe a lil, but fuck! Vampires aren’t supposed to look like aliens with sharp teeth! I mean come on!

There’s this town in Alaska where the sun doesn’t come up for 30 days, so the vampires think, “Hey dudes! Perfect for us, cowabunga dudes!!” They don’t speak English, by the way, they speak some ancient gibberish or rather they snarl some ancient gibberish. Prior to their arrival to this town, they sent forth kinda like a…..human pre-destroyer, who comes in the form of the terribly talented and not to mention cute Ben Foster, so then does some stuff and kills all the poor cute sled dogs!!

Josh Hartnett (Eben but it sure as hell sounds like everyone calls him Evan, don’t ask me why, I was too hung up on vampires looking like aliens) is the sheriff. Sheriff’s aren’t that young right?

Female lead is Melissa George (Stella), who was also in 2005’s The Amityville Horror, she remember cuz she was Ryan Reynold’s wife in that movie! (Hmph!). Wait, so anyway, they’re not speaking or whatever and she wants to get out of town on the last day of light and SURPRISINGLY, she doesn’t make it on time and has to stay in town. Let the awkward non-speaking but just happen to be in the same room three quarters of the time begin!!

Do I really need to tell you the rest?

• Vampires take over the town
• Kills almost everyone except a few who hide out in someone’s attic (Let the awkward non-speaking but living in tight spaces begin!!)
• They realize they can’t stay there for long, there’s no food or supplies.
• They make it to the town’s supply store.
• Stella can’t come out from under a truck cuz the vampires are everywhere around her and burning the town down.
• I’m tired, go watch the movie.

It’s kinda sad, I liked the ending.


And since you are buncha lazies, I found out that in actual fact, in Barrow, Alaska, the sun doesn’t come out for 65 days! And it’s not like it just doesn’t show, it shows but makes it stay a little shorter day by day. The warmest time is July, where it’s all of 8 degrees Celsius!










2 pills out of 5

Joshua

Hellllloooooooo, my non-existent readers! I've returned to you after a looong hiatus! (Blame suicidal tendencies, my full-time job of pissing everyone i know off, the damn holidays, an excess of sleeping pills and cough mixture, a lack of prozac and the PS3!) While my absence may not have made your heart grow fonder, I'm sure it made your shit a lot more stinky-er, don't tell me that's not an actual word, I just used, so it is.

Joshua is an evil child, not evil like say maybe Jason Voorhees but more of an Aaron Stampler/Roy type of evil. At the arrival of his new sister, Lily, Joshua (who as it is portrayed by his parents for the audience was always a little weird to begin with) begins to question “what was I like as baby?” His mother, Abby, played by Vera Farmiga, who was in a couple of movies like Autumn in New York, 15 Minutes, Breaking and Entering and The Departed but her performances in those movies were so startlingly brilliant that I can’t for the life of me remember seeing her in any of them. Anyhoo, she, from what the viewer’s gathers, suffered from post natal depression when she had Joshua but insists she’s fine this time around.

Daddy, (the reason this movie was watched in the first place) is of course, Sam Rockwell, the well-meaning father and stockbroker who puts up with his wife’s shall we say, inconsistencies, with patience and kindness (men like this don’t exist in real life, by the way).

So Joshua or rather sport, buddy, pal as Daddy refers to him by, comes to find out that his birth wasn’t such a great happy thing for Mommy and plans to make everyone feel the same way about his new sister. How this entails, you must watch the movie!

But here are my thoughts:

• Mum made it really easy for me to hate her, she didn’t like Daddy’s dog, Buster, didn’t like Daddy’s mum who just really trying to help out. There is always an alternative to yelling, screaming, throwing stuff and hurling vulgarities if you’re upset.

• Maybe Farmiga didn’t really portray depressed really well but you get the feeling, she’s just using it as an excuse not to be a mother. And you just don’t feel for her.

• At some point in time, you start to feel the helplessness of Daddy and makes you never want to have your own, in case he/she/it might be that one a million, child psychopathic killer.














2 1/2 Pills Out Of Five