Auto Focus

I loved this movie maybe because I’m starting to love Greg Kinnear, and not in a I want to fuck him way but in a woah, this dude is really good at what he doesv way. Auto Focus is pretty much about Bob Crane, yes the dude from Hogan Heroes, yes, the cute one who wore a hat. I remember watching Hogan’s Heroes everyday at 3pm when I was much much younger and the world was a nicer place, it was the same time slot where they played Gomer Pyle, Petticoat Junction, I Dream of Jeannie and Bewitched. Unfortunately, M.A.S.H was screened at 11pm and I was in bed by then, damn fuckin schoolgirl rules.

Anyhoo, I digress. In my opinion Kinnear saved Auto Focus, yeah, so Crane sorta had a porn video collection, pictures and what not but I reckon that was his own business. The movie basically puts the blame of his downfall and his burning out on his “extra circular activities”. Maybe it did, maybe it didn’t…..I’m not one to judge but I reckon there must have been a lot more shit at work….but it’s a movie and that’s okay, considering at that time (the 60’s), it was mostly frowned upon, if it was here and now, he’d be on www.superficial.com like almost everyday and everyone would just go, yeah that Crane, he’s fuckin maniac.

Crane is dead by the way, murdered, everyone and yes even I think it was John Carpenter……his then best friend….if you get the DVD, there’s even like a documentary on the trial and the evidence, they also keep flashing a picture of Crane’s bloody bludgeoned head, watch that if you’re into that kinda thing. You can actually just google Bob Crane and you’ll get that picture.

John Carpenter. Willem Dafoe. Now Dafoe seems to be good in just about anything he does, sometimes a little too good and he’s got that face….that “You know I’m up to something…..something bad.” face. I honestly don’t think he can help it, it just his face and he also has a flair for the dramatics…if you watched Tropic Thunder you would have seen Ben Stiller totally spoof DaFoe’s glorified execution in Platoon, yes the same one when he’s on his knees, arms in the air and everything is in slow mo. Drama at its best. DaFoe in Auto Focus…….his role did not require much shall we say….talent…but nonetheless he came through, like he always does. Excellent casting!!

If I was asked who would have made a good Bob Crane, Kinnear wouldn’t have even crossed my mind but now that I’ve watched it, I can’t think of anyone else for the role. He aced it. He was perfect. He was Bob Crane.



4 Pills Out Of 5

Feast Of Love

It took me a good whole month to watch this movie, mostly because David Duchovny proved to be more of an attention keeper than Greg Kinnear, Morgan Freeman, Billy Burke and the terribly pretty Toby Hemingway all put together. Go Duchovny!!

Anyhoo, Kinnear is married to Blair, Selma that is, I forget what her character’s name was and I really could give a shit, I think by this point, you can pretty much tell how much I enjoyed watching the rest of this movie….

So I was saying….yeah, Kinnear is what some people would call a hopeless romantic/ hopeful romantic? Blair decides after a couple years of marriage to the sappy Kinnear that she likes girls better and runs off to fulfill her lesbian dreams. Heartbroken and clueless, Kinnear confides in everyone’s favorite ol’ wise man, Freeman. Go Freeman!!

Oh god, I really don’t want to write a review on this movie so I’m just gonna stop while I’m ahead. If you’re feeling sentimental, sappy and like love is the answer to all your problems then watch this movie, if not, just keep staring and drooling at Duchovny.

The tagline after all is “A story for anyone with an appetite for love.” And I just threw up lunch.


Quarter A Pill Out Of 5

The Heartbreak Kid

I was surprised when I liked this movie, I figured it'd be one of those typical romantic comedies, I’m not saying its not but it’s a little more bearable.

So……Eddie Cantrow (Stiller) is a 40 year old bachelor whose reasons for not getting married are she doesn’t like my fantasy football league, she never shares her food, she doesn’t try anything new, and the ultimate………..she hates Caddyshack cuz she said the gopher looks fake.
While attending his ex-fiance’s wedding on valentine’s day, Cantrow starts to feel it, of course with a lil help from Daddy dearest (Stiller Snr – Jerry Stiller) and the required “happily” married male friend.

Eddie meets Lila after he tries to unsuccessfully retrieve her purse from a snatch thief. They get married and honeymoon in Cabo. Eddie meets Miranda (Michelle Monaghan, yes that pretty dark haired girl from gone baby gone) and her family. Now he just has to decide between the two.

You can’t help but feel for Lila at some point, although the Farrelly brothers go to extremes to make her seem just simply gross and crazy, you can kind of relate to her on some level. She’s a Volunteer Environmental Researcher by the way and has a deviated septum. She also wants him to hold her hand while they eat breakfast and then proceeds to start off a conversation about whether he thinks she's too hairy down there and if he wanted she could get rid of it and he'll be able to see her "kitty ring" better!

She likes rough sex knows of sex positions called Verti Cross Screw and Swedish Helicopter and says things like “Cock me, Hit Me”, “Fuck me like a black man”.

A conversation during sex:

Lila: JackHammer me, JackHammer me, JackHammer me!
Eddie: Can we try missionary position?
Lila: What's that? Can you pile drive me from that position?


This is the list of songs that Lila sings during the car ride to Cabo. Eddie sings along to only the first song.

Bruce Springsteen - Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)
Gloria Estefan - Conga
Blondie - Rapture
Barry Manilow - Ready to Take a Chance Again
Spice Girls - Wannabe
Captain & Tennille - Muskrat Love

Overall, it’s a sweet movie but everybody knows that the men in movies are nothing like the men in real life but it always nice to have a teensy weensy bit of false hope. If anything, this movie is worth watching just for the 2 worded ending, Fuck me.


3 pills out of 5

Gone Baby Gone

Who would have thought that tubby Ben Affleck had in him to write and direct something like Gone Baby Gone. I obviously only watched it for Casey Affleck but nonetheless, it was quite a watch it was! Patrick Kenzie (C. Affleck) is a private detective in a small town where he grew up and currently lives with his girlfriend, Angie Gennaro (Michelle Monaghan), apparently, she’s been in The Bourne Supremacy, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Mr. & Mrs. Smith and uncredited in Constantine.


Anyhoo! 4 year old Amanda McCready has gone missing and her doped up mother doesn’t seem to give a shit, the cops are everywhere, investigations are being carried out but her sister-in-law thinks hiring private detectives would help, so off she goes to hire the PI love birds, only Angie isn’t so big on doing a case like this cuz she doesn’t want to find a dead 4-year old. Nevertheless, the soft-spoken Kenzie convinces her otherwise and away they go on their journey!


And guess who they meet on this fantastical journey?? Morgan Freeman, of course! Everyone knows that no journey would be complete with Mr. Freeman! This time he is in the pissed form of Capt. Jack Doyle. Capt. Doyle lost his daughter not long before so he seems extremely determined not to fail, along comes a toughed up Ed Harris as Det. Remy Bressant who proceeds to question Helene McCready (Amy Ryan), lil Amanda’s mama and well just do the cop’s job. While all this investigating is goin on, the PI love birds tag along on most the investigations with some…….shall we say implications?
Let’s just say it not what you would expect it to be, there’s quite an interesting twist and since it’s a “No Spoilers Guaranteed” blog, I’m making it the perfect excuse for being just plain lazy!!


3 1/2 pills out of 5

Yes I know the blog looks terrible! I'm tryin to fix it but I've been raped of time yet again...

Fuck you. Yes you. If you're wondering if its you, yes, its you.




The cruelest revenge of a woman is to remain faithful to a man.

Why You Shouldn't Watch Rambo 4

Need I say more?

30 Days Of Night

I wanted to watch this movie and I did. Now I know you’re thinking, here’s when she starts cussing….okay, maybe a lil, but fuck! Vampires aren’t supposed to look like aliens with sharp teeth! I mean come on!

There’s this town in Alaska where the sun doesn’t come up for 30 days, so the vampires think, “Hey dudes! Perfect for us, cowabunga dudes!!” They don’t speak English, by the way, they speak some ancient gibberish or rather they snarl some ancient gibberish. Prior to their arrival to this town, they sent forth kinda like a…..human pre-destroyer, who comes in the form of the terribly talented and not to mention cute Ben Foster, so then does some stuff and kills all the poor cute sled dogs!!

Josh Hartnett (Eben but it sure as hell sounds like everyone calls him Evan, don’t ask me why, I was too hung up on vampires looking like aliens) is the sheriff. Sheriff’s aren’t that young right?

Female lead is Melissa George (Stella), who was also in 2005’s The Amityville Horror, she remember cuz she was Ryan Reynold’s wife in that movie! (Hmph!). Wait, so anyway, they’re not speaking or whatever and she wants to get out of town on the last day of light and SURPRISINGLY, she doesn’t make it on time and has to stay in town. Let the awkward non-speaking but just happen to be in the same room three quarters of the time begin!!

Do I really need to tell you the rest?

• Vampires take over the town
• Kills almost everyone except a few who hide out in someone’s attic (Let the awkward non-speaking but living in tight spaces begin!!)
• They realize they can’t stay there for long, there’s no food or supplies.
• They make it to the town’s supply store.
• Stella can’t come out from under a truck cuz the vampires are everywhere around her and burning the town down.
• I’m tired, go watch the movie.

It’s kinda sad, I liked the ending.


And since you are buncha lazies, I found out that in actual fact, in Barrow, Alaska, the sun doesn’t come out for 65 days! And it’s not like it just doesn’t show, it shows but makes it stay a little shorter day by day. The warmest time is July, where it’s all of 8 degrees Celsius!










2 pills out of 5

Joshua

Hellllloooooooo, my non-existent readers! I've returned to you after a looong hiatus! (Blame suicidal tendencies, my full-time job of pissing everyone i know off, the damn holidays, an excess of sleeping pills and cough mixture, a lack of prozac and the PS3!) While my absence may not have made your heart grow fonder, I'm sure it made your shit a lot more stinky-er, don't tell me that's not an actual word, I just used, so it is.

Joshua is an evil child, not evil like say maybe Jason Voorhees but more of an Aaron Stampler/Roy type of evil. At the arrival of his new sister, Lily, Joshua (who as it is portrayed by his parents for the audience was always a little weird to begin with) begins to question “what was I like as baby?” His mother, Abby, played by Vera Farmiga, who was in a couple of movies like Autumn in New York, 15 Minutes, Breaking and Entering and The Departed but her performances in those movies were so startlingly brilliant that I can’t for the life of me remember seeing her in any of them. Anyhoo, she, from what the viewer’s gathers, suffered from post natal depression when she had Joshua but insists she’s fine this time around.

Daddy, (the reason this movie was watched in the first place) is of course, Sam Rockwell, the well-meaning father and stockbroker who puts up with his wife’s shall we say, inconsistencies, with patience and kindness (men like this don’t exist in real life, by the way).

So Joshua or rather sport, buddy, pal as Daddy refers to him by, comes to find out that his birth wasn’t such a great happy thing for Mommy and plans to make everyone feel the same way about his new sister. How this entails, you must watch the movie!

But here are my thoughts:

• Mum made it really easy for me to hate her, she didn’t like Daddy’s dog, Buster, didn’t like Daddy’s mum who just really trying to help out. There is always an alternative to yelling, screaming, throwing stuff and hurling vulgarities if you’re upset.

• Maybe Farmiga didn’t really portray depressed really well but you get the feeling, she’s just using it as an excuse not to be a mother. And you just don’t feel for her.

• At some point in time, you start to feel the helplessness of Daddy and makes you never want to have your own, in case he/she/it might be that one a million, child psychopathic killer.














2 1/2 Pills Out Of Five